


Something Was Actually Strange

by citruses



Category: Black Books, Inception (2010)
Genre: Crack, Crossover, Gen, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-12-30
Updated: 2012-12-30
Packaged: 2017-11-22 23:26:57
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 640
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/615577
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/citruses/pseuds/citruses
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The bookshop gets an unusual visitor. (A crossover in two parts.)</p>
            </blockquote>





	Something Was Actually Strange

**Author's Note:**

> Char challenged me to write a Black Books/Inception crossover. So I, um, did.

part the first

"Look at him! Bernard, look at him!"

"Whaaa?"

"He -- is -- _beautiful_. I have never seen a more beautiful man in my life. In my whole, entire, whole entire life."

"What? Who? Where? Who? ... What?"

"Over there, by the _Tempocalypse Strikes Back_ display... Oh my god oh my god Manny's talking to him! Do you think Manny knows him? Manny knows him, doesn't he? I mean, I know he's meant to talk to customers, but you both are, aren't you? And here you are, Bernard, having a fag with me in the back room and spying on -- well, on Manny! Manny and the beautiful beautiful man. So? D'you think he knows him?"

"Hm? I don't know and I don't care. Pass the wine."

Several drinks later:

"Yep, I can order that edition for you straight away, Eamesy, no problem. OK, anything else I can do for you? Right, I'll get that order in for you this minute. Brilliant -- thanks! Have a nice day, mate. OK, keep in touch. See you!"

The shop door closes with a click.

"Manny. Manny, Manny! Did you know that, that, that astounding creature you were just talking to?" 

"Er, yeah, he's a, er, a friend from university. Why?"

"Can I have his number? I want to ask him to marry me."

"Oh? Oh! Er, actually he was, er, just telling me he's got married recently. American chap, name of Arthur, he said. Actually I thought he was living in America, Eames I mean. Or Mombasa. Or Paris? But obviously not because here he was!"

"Ohhhhhhhhhh Manny. This is awful, this is awful this is awful. Married? To a man? My life's over, it's officially over. Over!"

"Oh dear, are you terribly disappointed?"

*

part the second

email message sent: 19/11 14:32:55  
from IP address: ***.**.***.**

A,

This email address better be secure.

I've just made contact with the bookseller; his cover is this wacko place, you wouldn't believe it. Everyone there's so crazy he doesn't even need to hide anything from them. It's going on my list of places to take you, I love just thinking about how uncomfortable it would make you hearing all those secrets fly around. The bookseller, M, has to pander to this ridiculous eccentric boss of his who doesn't take no for an answer -- I mean, can you imagine what that's like, A, darling? Oh, wait, I forgot that's the story of your life with your, er, business partner. And then with your husband.

Mm, husband. Husband, husband, husband. Satisfying word to type. God bless Canada.

Anyhow, I miss you, darling, and I miss the honeymoon we are supposed to be on right now. I will be back as soon as he gets me the book you need: we arranged for him to fit it inside a decoy book I ordered, simple as that, and I'll be able to transport it like that too. I'll pick it up in a couple of days and then hop on a plane back to the penthouse we were supposed to be staying in right at this very moment. I guess you'll probably be back with the meds from our friend Y before I get back with the book? 

Don't be too lonely there without me, will you. Oh, call up A and get her to tell you about how everyone thinks she and S are an item! They are totally an item and it is adorable that they are genuinely the last to know. I thought that sort of thing only happened to, you know, you and me.

Love as always,

E.

P.S. Do you have a safe phone number that won't be listened in to for at least, say, forty minutes? Until C and A finally sort out long-distance dreamsharing, the closest we can get is phonesex, darling.


End file.
